Sunday, November 6, 2011
Today was a good day. I got a call from my love at 8:30 a.m! I never get a wake up call from him! Well then I got a call at noon, another call at 4:00 p.m and now I'm waiting on my bedtime call! I am pretty sure that my boyfriend will be transferred tomorrow. I'm very blessed in that he will be moved to a work release prison. He will be allowed to have his car and be able to keep a cell phone in his vehicle. I realize I am one of the lucky ones and I have to thank GOD everyday for this blessing! There are so many wives out there who have husbands/boyfriends in regular prisons and are not afforded the same privileges that the work release program offers. So tomorrow will be a good day. I will get him his things together, clothes toiletries, pictures and a couple books. I hope I will get to see him when I drop off his stuff. Also phone calls are going to SIGNIFICANTLY drop in price! So I will be able to talk to him more often!! On a different note I have my first appointment with a therapist tomorrow as well. We all know I have tons to talk about!! I'm nervous. I'm not sure what advice she may have as I know how most people feel about people who date people in prison. I will let everyone know how that goes tomorrow! As for me I am going to watch Desperate Housewives and wait for my boo to call!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
It's 2:41 p.m, and I don't know if I can make it. Since he has been in jail we have talked at least 3 times a day, once around noon, again at dinner time and always before bed. I thought it still wasn't enough and had horrible bouts of anxiety in between calls. I was one of the lucky ones. If it weren't for my Mother-in-law I wouldn't get to talk to him half as much, she has afforded me the privilege to talk to him so often because jail/prison calls are very expensive! So today I have to be strong and cut one call out of our schedule. So instead of talking at noon, I have to go all day until 4:00 p.m. I don't know if I can make it. I feel like I am the one in jail. The minutes are going by so slowly, and I cant seem to focus on anything else but the clock! It is now 2:48 only 7 minutes have passed, what will I do for the next 72 minutes.........
Yesterday marked one week that my boyfriend spent in the county jail. It was also the visitation day for his block. As you can guess I was very excited to be able to see him. I had so many mixed emotions and feelings that I still haven't had time to process. Visitation wasn't until the evening so I had all day to be nervous. He has seen me at my worst and at my best but for some reason I was very worried about my appearance. I hadn't felt that way around him in ages. I teased my hair into a cute pony tail and wore some yoga pants and a fitted jacket, it was just a casual outfit. I looked good but I didnt look like I was ready to go on a date. I didn't know that the girls really put on a show to go to these visitations. These girls were in leopard heels, and there nicest skinny jeans and had on there Saturday night, club makeup! Well I guess I'll know for next time!! When I saw him my first instinct was to cry, I hadn't seen him in a week, It was the longest I had gone. I started to tear up and I swear he got red too, and if you new my BF you wouldn't believe me. He said don't cry babe and so I sat up straight and just looked at him for a minute. This was my first experience visiting anyone in the jail system however I had seen it on TV before. We were separated by a thick pane of glass and we each had a phone that we spoke through. It was so frustrating to be so close to the man that I love and not be able to reach out and hug him and kiss him. To tell him that I love him and that I'm proud of him no matter what he does or what happens. Instead we sat in a cold room, on a cold stool having a what the jail calls a visit, which again is monitored. After a week of crying and missing my lost lover this lonely lady will take what she can get!!!! Most of the visit went like most of our phone calls I told him I love him a million times, that I miss him a million times, he asked me if I'm going to stand by him and a million times I said YES!! There isn't anything or anyone in this world that could separate me from the love of my life, I know this and I believe he does too, he just needs to be reminded. I know I'm a bit bias but my BF is the most beautiful man ever!! I was so surprised at how good he looked having been in jail for a week. If I was in jail for a week with no makeup or hair products, I wouldn't be as blessed. The visit sped by so fast I couldn't believe it!!! I was just so frustrated I couldn't touch him. I dont know if visiting him made things worse. Because now I am missing him more!! I also wish I had gotten ready to see him! Now I'm the girl that didn't get ready to go see her boyfriend when usually I'm the girl that is over dressed!! Its just hard to get all dolled up when you feel like breaking down and dying on the inside. I hope I didn't embarrass him. I cant believe that on top of all the ridiculous things that we (prison girlfriends/wives) have to deal with now we have to deal with the visitation beauty pageants!!! Ugh I have a long road ahead of me!!!
Friday, November 4, 2011
My name is Jessica. I am 24 years old and I am in a longterm loving relationship with a man who was sentenced to a work release prison last Friday. Today marks one week he has spent in the county jail, as he has not yet been moved. One week of having timed phone calls (which are the most expensive phone calls I have ever made) monitored mail, sleepless nights, unanswered questions, uncontrollable crying, feelings of hopelessness and depression. After doing some research on the web I have realized that I am NOT alone! There are almost 20 million incarcerated Americans!! Just imagine how many wives/girlfriends, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers aunts and uncles there are out there feeling the exact same way that I am feeling right now! There is so much stigma and judgement that comes with being involved with a criminal, which makes dealing with these emotions even harder! Not to mention trying to get answers to questions you may have is almost impossible. This blog is dedicated to talking about anything and everything that goes along with being involved with or related to someone in the prison system. I am just now starting down this road myself so I will be able to inform you of everything that I encounter and hopefully my readers can contribute as well.